The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village, all of them involving the poor.

In the glorious days of John Major, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village, but nowadays thanks to the poor terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Yet again these oafs have destroyed my evening..