Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of injecting crack into the kneecaps of innocent passers by has been perpetrated by Cherie Blair’s friends.

The Mail can reveal that Cherie Blair’s friends are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Jim Davidson said of the Cherie Blair’s friends, "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".