Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of looting and pillaging supermarkets has been perpetrated by followers of Hugo Chavez.

The Mail can reveal that followers of Hugo Chavez are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Anne Widdecombe said of the followers of Hugo Chavez, "the lady’s not for turning".