The Mail has learned that unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace are responsible for holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields.

Has the world gone mad? Unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace are holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to an unnamed source, who said "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts."