Now boffins have discovered that asylum seekers can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Beyonce told me about it, I have been trying to cure pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals is mostly caused by asylum seekers, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing asylum seekers to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "New Age travellers? Not in this age. Not in any age. Let others speak for these New Age travellers. We will speak for their victims.".