Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of getting away with arson has been perpetrated by so-called new age travellers.

The Mail can reveal that so-called new age travellers are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Some bloke in the pub said of the so-called new age travellers, "I grew up in the 1930s with an unemployed father. He did not riot. He got on his bike and looked for work, and he went on looking until he found it.".