The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of causing obesity, all of them involving Guardian-reading do-gooders.

In the glorious days of Norman Tebbit, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience causing obesity, but nowadays thanks to Guardian-reading do-gooders causing obesity is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is New Age travellers? Not in this age. Not in any age. Let others speak for these New Age travellers. We will speak for their victims..