Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of injecting crack into the kneecaps of innocent passers by has been perpetrated by Cherie Blair’s friends.

The Mail can reveal that Cherie Blair’s friends are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Enoch Powell said of the Cherie Blair’s friends, "surely something can be done?".