Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow the poor such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but the poor have this week been revealed as injecting crack into the kneecaps of innocent passers by.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps the poor would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of Nick Clegg who this week said, "I like sponge".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that injecting crack into the kneecaps of innocent passers by is acceptable behaviour.