Now children are openly being encouraged to flout the laws of morality and the land. Criminal gangs from Eastern Europe have been sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone outside nursery schools.

Terror expert Ian Dunkin-Donuts has analysed the phenomenon in a new book which we certainly aren’t plugging although it is available from our bookshop for just £7.99; a fantastic 1.7% discount.

In "Sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone: The True Face Of Evil", Ian Dunkin-Donuts says, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".

A decent "Big Society" that cared about children would bring back hanging for criminal gangs from Eastern Europe. After the hanging the still twitching bodies would be deported to somewhere tropical and foreign.