Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow lesbians such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but lesbians have this week been revealed as setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps lesbians would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of Amanda Platell who this week said, "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack is acceptable behaviour.