Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of listening to loud music has been perpetrated by hunt sabateours.

The Mail can reveal that hunt sabateours are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Theresa May said of the hunt sabateours, "the lady’s not for turning".