Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of eating babies has been perpetrated by hooligans.

The Mail can reveal that hooligans are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Jonathan Aitkin said of the hooligans, "these dole-scrounging n’er-do-wells must be eliminated at all costs.".