Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of threatening to smash up branches of McDonalds and Starbucks has been perpetrated by hoodies.

The Mail can reveal that hoodies are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

A homeowner said of the hoodies, "new Age travellers? Not in this age. Not in any age. Let others speak for these New Age travellers. We will speak for their victims.".