The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of causing cancer, all of them involving criminal gangs from Eastern Europe.

In the glorious days of Margaret Thatcher, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience causing cancer, but nowadays thanks to criminal gangs from Eastern Europe causing cancer is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..