The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of drilling for oil in one family's back garden, all of them involving teachers indoctrinated with sixties liberal values.

In the glorious days of Ian Dunkin-Donuts, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience drilling for oil in one family's back garden, but nowadays thanks to teachers indoctrinated with sixties liberal values drilling for oil in one family's back garden is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened.