Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of injecting crack into the kneecaps of innocent passers by has been perpetrated by gypsies.

The Mail can reveal that gypsies are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Jim Davidson said of the gypsies, "society needs to condemn a little more and understand a little less.".