Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of setting fire to libraries has been perpetrated by women.

The Mail can reveal that women are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

David Cameron said of the women, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".