Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack has been perpetrated by anarchist leaders "the elders".

The Mail can reveal that anarchist leaders "the elders" are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Bernard Jenkin said of the anarchist leaders "the elders", "I blame all of this on stealth taxes and permissive education in the 1960s.".