Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of ripping off hard working families has been perpetrated by paedophiles.

The Mail can reveal that paedophiles are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Lala from the teletubbies said of the paedophiles, "If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened".