Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of reading the works of Karl Marx has been perpetrated by homosexuals.

The Mail can reveal that homosexuals are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The deputy commisioner of the Metropolitan Police said of the homosexuals, "If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened".