Conservative head office has today said "If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened".

Speaking at Alton Towers Conservative head office’s comments come in a week that has seen glue-sniffing teenagers involved in being involved in the death of Princess Diana (God rest her precious soul) on an ever more frequent basis.

Conservative head office’s comments are both brave and perceptive. In a country where children as young as five are regularly exposed to glue-sniffing teenagers it is about time that someone had the guts to stand up and tell the truth. Glue-sniffing teenagers and the liberal communist atheist society that spawns them must be eliminated.