Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of defacing statues in Trafalgar Square has been perpetrated by yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps.

The Mail can reveal that yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Mr I.P.Freely of Tunbridge Wells said of the yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps, "I blame all of this on stealth taxes and permissive education in the 1960s.".