Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow gangs of children, some still in their prams such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but gangs of children, some still in their prams have this week been revealed as setting fire to libraries.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps gangs of children, some still in their prams would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of Winston Churchill, speaking through a medium who this week said, "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts.".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that setting fire to libraries is acceptable behaviour.