The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of causing cancer, all of them involving Twitter users.

In the glorious days of The deputy commisioner of the Metropolitan Police, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience causing cancer, but nowadays thanks to Twitter users causing cancer is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Was it for this politically correct insanity that I fought and died in eight world wars? I think not!.