The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of terrorising innocent investment bankers, all of them involving Guardian-reading do-gooders.

In the glorious days of Anne Widdecombe, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience terrorising innocent investment bankers, but nowadays thanks to Guardian-reading do-gooders terrorising innocent investment bankers is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Yet again these oafs have destroyed my evening..