Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of drilling for oil in one family's back garden has been perpetrated by women.

The Mail can reveal that women are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Some bloke in the pub said of the women, "yet again these oafs have destroyed my evening.".