Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow paedophiles such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but paedophiles have this week been revealed as urinating on the Union Jack.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps paedophiles would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of George Osborne who this week said, "these dole-scrounging n’er-do-wells must be eliminated at all costs.".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that urinating on the Union Jack is acceptable behaviour.