Now boffins have discovered that miners, bent on revenge can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since The Pope told me about it, I have been trying to cure engaging in steamy sex romps with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out engaging in steamy sex romps is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that engaging in steamy sex romps is mostly caused by miners, bent on revenge, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing miners, bent on revenge to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "Hoorah for the blackshirts!".