Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of reading the works of Karl Marx has been perpetrated by Eastern European terror gangs.

The Mail can reveal that Eastern European terror gangs are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

James May said of the Eastern European terror gangs, "We need a lot less of the passive tolerance of recent years and much more active, muscular liberalism. Especially for the blacks.".