Now boffins have discovered that Noam Chomsky devotees can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since George Osborne told me about it, I have been trying to cure burning policemen at the stake with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out burning policemen at the stake is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that burning policemen at the stake is mostly caused by Noam Chomsky devotees, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing Noam Chomsky devotees to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts.".