Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of getting away with arson has been perpetrated by anarchists.

The Mail can reveal that anarchists are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

John Major said of the anarchists, "these dole-scrounging n’er-do-wells must be eliminated at all costs.".