Now boffins have discovered that enviro-Mental-ists can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Michael Howerd told me about it, I have been trying to cure sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone is mostly caused by enviro-Mental-ists, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing enviro-Mental-ists to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see the River Tiber foaming with much blood.".