The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of urinating on the Union Jack, all of them involving Islamist youths.

In the glorious days of Michael Howerd, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience urinating on the Union Jack, but nowadays thanks to Islamist youths urinating on the Union Jack is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..