Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists has been perpetrated by gypsies.

The Mail can reveal that gypsies are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Amanda Platell said of the gypsies, "a glorious thousand-year reich seems like the only practical choice to stem the tide of economic migrants".