Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of squatting houses left empty by families on holiday has been perpetrated by so-called new age travellers.

The Mail can reveal that so-called new age travellers are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The Pope said of the so-called new age travellers, "I blame all of this on stealth taxes and permissive education in the 1960s.".