Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of reading the works of Karl Marx has been perpetrated by so-called refugees.

The Mail can reveal that so-called refugees are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

John Major said of the so-called refugees, "I grew up in the 1930s with an unemployed father. He did not riot. He got on his bike and looked for work, and he went on looking until he found it.".