Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone has been perpetrated by anarchists.

The Mail can reveal that anarchists are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Jacob Rees-Mogg said of the anarchists, "A large proportion of Britain’s Asian population fail to pass the cricket test. Which side do they cheer for?".