The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists, all of them involving glue-sniffing teenagers.

In the glorious days of Nicolas Sarkozy, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists, but nowadays thanks to glue-sniffing teenagers using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see the River Tiber foaming with much blood..