Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack has been perpetrated by insane Brussels bureaucrats.

The Mail can reveal that insane Brussels bureaucrats are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The deputy commisioner of the Metropolitan Police said of the insane Brussels bureaucrats, "Hoorah for the blackshirts!".