The Mail has learned that Islamist youths are responsible for assisting asylum seekers.

Has the world gone mad? Islamist youths are assisting asylum seekers with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to The Pope, who said "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets."