The horror or Broken Britain continues this week.

First we learn that plotting to kidnap a senior royal is becoming ever more common, then we learn that young single mothers are pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals every day.

Among the hardworking Britons to attack young single mothers pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals was Paul Dacre who today said Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..