The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals, all of them involving ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy.

In the glorious days of Some bloke in the pub, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals, but nowadays thanks to ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals..