Now children are openly being encouraged to flout the laws of morality and the land. Eastern European terror gangs have been pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals outside nursery schools.

Terror expert Ian Dunkin-Donuts has analysed the phenomenon in a new book which we certainly aren’t plugging although it is available from our bookshop for just £7.99; a fantastic 1.7% discount.

In "Pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals: The True Face Of Evil", Ian Dunkin-Donuts says, "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts.".

A decent "Big Society" that cared about children would bring back hanging for Eastern European terror gangs. After the hanging the still twitching bodies would be deported to somewhere tropical and foreign.