Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of plotting the overthrow both of the British state and our way of life has been perpetrated by Cherie Blair’s friends.

The Mail can reveal that Cherie Blair’s friends are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Conservative head office said of the Cherie Blair’s friends, "I blame all of this on stealth taxes and permissive education in the 1960s.".