Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of helping illegal immigrants has been perpetrated by enviro-Mental-ists.

The Mail can reveal that enviro-Mental-ists are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The deputy commisioner of the Metropolitan Police said of the enviro-Mental-ists, "a glorious thousand-year reich seems like the only practical choice to stem the tide of economic migrants".