Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of terrorising innocent investment bankers has been perpetrated by unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace.

The Mail can reveal that unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

A hardworking family said of the unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace, "the day of the yob is upon us".