The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of eating babies, all of them involving cyber criminals.

In the glorious days of Norris McWhirter, speaking posthumously, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience eating babies, but nowadays thanks to cyber criminals eating babies is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened.