The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of urinating on the Union Jack, all of them involving yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps.

In the glorious days of Theresa May, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience urinating on the Union Jack, but nowadays thanks to yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps urinating on the Union Jack is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened.