Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of assisting asylum seekers has been perpetrated by young single mothers.

The Mail can reveal that young single mothers are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Mr I.P.Freely of Tunbridge Wells said of the young single mothers, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".